Yeah, honestly this article is only going to scratch the surface of why even entertaining this is all kinds of wrong. If you and your friend are super close, then she probably told you about her relationship with the guy. She has every reason to think that you dating her ex is a bit on the side of disloyal. Your friend is more than fair if she asks you how long you and her ex have entertained dating each other. And either way, thinking that being together is cool is pretty shady on both of your parts. And really, can you trust that? Probably not. Revenge reveals itself in a sorts of ways.
Dating a Friend’s Ex: Is It Worth It?
For as long as you can remember, society has rolled with this mentality and relationships have been guided by this rule. Affections have been snuffed out, crushed before blooming by this brotherhood and sisterhood code. It is considered a betrayal of trust, an awkward situation and a friendship deal breaker. But really, does it have to be like that? I have always thought that the reasons often given to justify the existence of this decapitating rule are not enough.
If a friend of mine ever got with an ex girlfriend of mine, he wouldn’t be a friend any longer. Best friend or not. An unwritten rule in friendship and relationships.
Back in my hometown, I lived in a small arts and activism community, and everyone dated everyone. It was a cesspool of friends and lovers mixing. I distinctly remember talking to a new friend and finding out we had dated not one, not two, but three of the same guys. This made it difficult for me to even go on dates without thinking about all of the partners the other person might have had — people I probably knew and would inevitably compare myself to.
It was all too much. When friends end up sharing the same romantic partners, even the the most seemingly solid friendships can quickly go sour. Resentment is harbored, and group dynamics forever change. It all depends on the situation, timing, value you place on the relationships, and the energy you are willing to expend. The two even continued to hook up when they saw each other. Then, her best friend started dating her ex — something Lora felt in part responsible for because she had encouraged the two to sync up.
I wanted so badly for him to be okay, [which was] a trend in our relationship. Before Lora knew about their relationship, she made a plan to visit her two biggest support systems in one trip after her ex relocated to this new city.
Is it ever OK to date your friend’s ex?
Reuse, reduce, recycle. Who would have thought this would wind up applicable to the human relationship? Here, the latter is the topic of discussion.
Dating advice: my ex-boyfriend, be no actual rules for older man and friend wants you want to deal with your ex. Recently, these 5 rules about your friend/s.
Or, you may be smack dab in the middle of this dilemma and needing to hear this. Think about it: if you love your friend and he loved your friend, then that probably means you share some common values and interests. It probably means certain personality traits are important to both of you. You have many qualities your friend has.
HE has many qualities your friend has. Hey, maybe you were even there the night they met. Let my friend have him.
My Ex is Dating My Friend! How to Handle it and How to Keep From Going Insane
Human dating preferences vary from person to person. Someone likes thin girls, others enjoy chubby ones, some girls like muscular men, while others prefer slender ones. But we don’t base our choice only on physical parameters. We pay a lot of attention to the emotional and social side.
And in general, is it okay to date your friend’s ex-girlfriend? dating my We mean, have they both already dealt with it and moved on? Look.
Lots of people have told me unequivocally that they would never date a friend’s ex. They wholeheartedly believe that it’s wrong, disrespectful, and if a friend did that to them, they’d never talk to that person again. They believe this is something everybody knows, that they’re just following the rules. What I’ve noticed, though, is that every person I’ve heard espouse this worldview was straight. This rule is almost never stated or enforced among queer communities. If you’re gay, you will almost inevitably date a friend’s ex at some point.
Queer communities are often small and insular, and once you’ve found one, you tend to hold on to it for dear life.
Is it OK to Date Your Friend’s Ex?
Whether or not you believe your situation is an exception, you should always talk to your friend before making any crucial decisions. Unless you value your relationship with a guy more than your friendship, respect that your friend may not be thrilled you want to start dating her ex. On the other hand, it may matter to your friend or even yourself, so tread carefully if that’s the path you’re choosing to take.
Better yet, if she’s in another relationship and is seriously in love, it’s doubtful she’ll care too much if you want to date her ex.
Want to discuss? Please read our Commenting Policy first. Communication is vital if maintaining the friendship is important to you. Indifference is the opposite of love. A good way to gauge this is by suggesting an outing where your friend and their ex will both be present. You also need to ask yourself if the ex has had enough time to heal from the breakup or you could risk being the rebound. Do they check off most of your boxes? Do you have strong indication that they reciprocate your feelings?
A lot depends on the length of time your friend was with this person. A couple of years and a couple of months are two very different time frames and carry different sensitivities. It comes down to how you view your friendship — only you can answer which is more important. World Canada Local.
Is It Ever OK to Date a Friend’s Ex?
It just sort of happened. In discussing this topic with my female friends, it seems to me that men are especially experienced in dealing with this dilemma. Say a friend of mine breaks up with so-and-so, and we run into her at a party. In some ways this is perfectly natural. This sort of stuff happens more than you might think.
Recognize that some exes really are off-limits.
It does, after all, seem like a hard line to draw in the sand. On the flip side, it might also impact your relationship with your friend, depending on things like how they broke up , how long they dated, and whether or not they still harbor feelings for this person in question. If the breakup was recent, for example, your friend may have some lingering feelings. They may also feel awkward about situations in which the three of you might hang out after these new relationship lines are drawn.
And in that case, your friend may not want you to have anything to do with the ex—to save you from future anguish. Before knowing the best way to proceed, you need to get to the bottom of these feelings. The worst way to go about this? Assuming you know how your pal might react. Instead be clear and direct, which means you need to admit your feelings outright—before things go too far with the ex. You guys were never serious , she suggests an approach that provides your pal some agency.
It seems like something has been growing between me and Kevin, and I wanted to talk to you before things went further. How would you feel if he and I started to see one another?
What’s It’s Like When You And Your Friends Have Dated The Same Person
Your best friend’s girlfriend captured your attention a long time ago, and always seemed, if not ideal, then, at least, very cool. And so they parted, and you suddenly begin to spend more time with her, because during their relationship, you were friends, so why can’t you spend time together now? You unexpectedly understand that she is very cool and pleasant to you, and it looks like you have a lot in common.
But most importantly: it seems like she falls in love with you too. Now, you feel that her relationships with your best friend were a mistake, and she has to be with you. This makes this situation even more awkward.
What we’re about to tackle is when you have a really close friend who you spend time with and confide in (and they do the same with you) who has an ex-boyfriend.
Last Updated: September 1, References. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. There are 14 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed , times. Breakups can be tough.
Feelings of jealousy, self-consciousness, sadness, and anger are prevalent in such an emotionally-charged situation. To deal when your ex dates your friend, talk to your friend so you can work through your emotions and maintain your friendship without feeling sad or angry. However, avoid telling your friend that they can’t date your ex since this might feel like an ultimatum and could ruin your relationship. To learn how to distance yourself from your friend for a while, keep reading! Did this summary help you?
How to Deal When You Want to Date Your Friend’s Ex
As Certified Relationship Coaches, we often get an inbox on our website asking us for the politically correct answer, what are the rules? Overall, we agree it is a case-by-case situation and you should tread lightly. Ask yourself, is it worth the risk?
It’s a touchy subject in many friendships, but on the one hand, dating your friend’s ex might turn out to be no big deal at all. On the other hand.
Subscriber Account active since. Sometimes when you develop feelings they happen to be for your friend’s ex. But, pursuing these feelings might not always be worth it. Here are some potential red flags to consider if you’re trying to decide whether or not dating someone your friend has dated is a good idea. Whether the relationship went down in flames or if two people who truly loved each other realized that things just weren’t going to work out, most breakups can be tough.
And some can be worse than others.